It's impossible to live and not have expectations. Happiness its not the absence of them but rather wise management of these.
Zero Expectations
The brain is a predictive organ, wired to help you adapt and survive. The brain wants familiar and relatable which sometimes can be hard to get in these times. Therefore, when the brain faces an unfamiliar stimuli, it tends to put it in a record somewhere in the mind.
This record is what we call an experience. Every experience, talk about your first kiss, first love, first job. All these, cause a chemical change in the body which we call an emotion. When an experience is tied to an emotion, we call this a feeling
The predictive nature of the brain is then, what makes us have fantasies, fears and visions of the future. These are what we call expectations. So then, to be honest, its natural for us, as humans to have an expectation about something, otherwise, it means the brain is not working and you’re dead.
Expectations are the natural by-product of the brain’s predictive nature, to think that you’d wake up tomorrow with zero expectations and be happy is fucked up. To also hold on to them and project them on people and circumstances in the real world is stabbing yourself
So then, having zero expectations, like TikTok and Instagram advised you to do is incomplete information if not misleading. The tragedy lies not in having expectations but rather being fixated on them.
The key to happiness is having 0 expectations?
Naah. The notion, “the key to happiness is having 0 expectations” more flawed than it is true. We just proved it impossible to have 0 expectations and to think you have none is not only reckless but also unjust to yourself. It is purely, fooling yourself
So, what is it then? Is there a key even?
Well, happiness is not a one size fits all kinda problem-solution pattern, but there are fundamental principles of nature which when derived and applied effectively can unlock deep satisfaction and fulfillment in our lives.
My analogy from nature
1. A tree against the wind
You would be damned to think that you can break a tree with your bare hands. But also, it would be dumb for the tree to remain rigid when a strong wind blows in its direction.
The tree, strong as it is knows when and when not to bend to external stimuli. Having an expectation is necessary else you'd be settling for less. But to hold on to these fleeting feelings, thoughts or whatever in the real world is preety much cooking your poison if not prepping your demise.
2. Day and night
The light of day exists to counteract the dark of night, just as the way the dark of night exists to counteract the light of day. They are both important but each has an equal share of time unless you live in North pole.
Balance. That’s the point. It’s okay to have expectations but its also your responsibility to manage them in a way that won’t hurt you and that responsibility is what I am leaving to you. Figure it out, take your time, experiment, but start with this fundamental law, Balance.